Thank you so much for your kind messages
It was really good to read them and it makes me feel I’m never actually alone. People who don’t even know me have written to me and I can never thank you enough.
I’ve been dealing with cutting for over six years now. It’s been on and off and it seems it’s on again this year, since I did it a couple of times in the past months. I’m planning to go to a psychologist (I study Psychology, so we have easy access to therapy with real Psychologists) and get rid of the problem.
Today I went to my faculty and my boyfriend and I talked like friends. We had to organize an event, and sometimes he would make me laugh, but sometimes I would think about everything and be sad again. In that event, a friend asked me to sing a particular song that has my name on it (Cucurrucucú Paloma). It has some pretty sad lines likes these:
"They said that at nights, he would only just cry. They say he wouldn’t eat, all he would do was drink, They swear the sky itself would shiver at the sound of his cry. How much he loved her, that in his death, he kept calling her"
"Paloma, please don’t cry. Stones will never know what love is"
And well, at the last line, my voice cracked and I almost started crying. Everyone noticed it, but didn’t really care. Except for Jeff. He grabbed my hand but I pushed him away. Then he said he wanted to talk to me, but first I needed to eat (I haven’t been really eating this past few weeks. Partly since things haven’t been going right between me and him and because of my family). We went to a restaurant and ate (I just had a fruit salad, when I’m sad I can’t really eat. But in my defense it wa sa pretty huge salad). Then I asked him what did he wanted to talk about. He said about our break up.
We talked a lot, but summing up, he said he made a huge mistake when he said he didn’t want to fix things between us. I said I wouldnt’ have told him to fix things up if I wasn’t sure we were worth it. That I had been in relationships where there was nothing to do, and I knew what that felt, but this wasn’t the case. That having the same courses and seeing each other everyday caused us to feel this way. And that I was getting pretty sick of him too last summer, but I started working so I saw him less time and that helped. We needed more time apart, but also more quality time. But I understood why he didn’t want to stay with me, I was the problem and there was something seriously wrong with me. That I gave him everything and It still wasn’t enough.
He said there was nothing wrong with me. That he was tired, he was still recovering from a moment he could have died (he got sick a couple of months ago), and that there was a lot of stress. But he still thought he made a huge mistake with what he said. I started crying and told him I had been feeling awful and that I cut myself and that it made me remember awful things people would say to me, like “You have no friends “You are weird” “That’s why you’re alone” and stuff like that.
He hugged me and said he wanted to try to fix things and asked me if I wanted to as well. I said I wanted to, so we kind of went back together.
Things aren’t 100% okay yet, we have a loooot to talk about and a lot of stuff to fix, but we’re going to wait until our finals end (July 21st) to really have a proper conversation and start fixing things between us.
We went to his house later and just spend the afternoon together, something we needed to do a long time ago.
I still have the cuts, and I promise to all of you I’m going to get help. Thank you so much again for all of your kind messages, seriously guys, you’re the best :)
My boyfriend left me.
I’ve been cutting my arms since last night and I don’t know whenn the crying’s going to stop.
I gave everything and it wasn’t enough. I have a problem. I’m the problem
I don’t know when I’ll be back or if I’ll ever be back
- mattx13 said: Hey!! I’m super excited to see you again!! Lots of hugs and nuzzles from me, but how are you?
- sophisticatedloserchick said: Been awhile since I’ve seen you on my dash hon! I hope things are going well :3
Hello my ladies! <3
I’m on my third semester of Psychology. The courses are hard, but I’m keeping good grades. Right now I’m recovering from bronquitis, but now I’m better :)
How have you been? :3
tall boys with dark hair and shy smiles who smell good and have great tastes in music are very important ok
Reblog if you’re taken.
hello there. i’m doing a research on how many people are single and how many are in a relationship on tumblr. this research aims to determine if single people spend more time on the computer than people in a relationship and vice versa. here’s the post for the ‘single’ people.
thank you very much for participating.
i mean, even his old crush is one of my best friends here, IT’S NOT JEALOUSY
i just can’t stand that bitch